I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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