He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
