God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
