Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
