we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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