The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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