he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
