i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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