We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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