Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
