"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
