It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
