I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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