so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
