Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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