Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
