Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
