I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
