We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
