eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
