Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
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