I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
