You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
