I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
