Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The ass gains better be worth it
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