Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just forgot I was standing up.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
