I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
