hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She needs sedatives and a leash
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Everclear isn't food dammit
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
