i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
