apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she pinky promised me she was 18
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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