I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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