I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
