i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
