just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
