Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
