I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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