you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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