i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
