the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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