Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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