On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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