I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
