dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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