Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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