I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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