I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
