They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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