I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
