OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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