her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize