we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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