a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
