my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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