Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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