I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
