i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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