Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
