Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
