Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
