You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
