I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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