Farmville is her only friend.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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