I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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