maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
there was a trapeze. enough said
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
