sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
