brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
