please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize