why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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