please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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