and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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