I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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