Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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