Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
