haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Too much gin, very little bucket
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
