I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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