Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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