before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
