her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Houston, we have a blender
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
