:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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