i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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