hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize