Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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