i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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