I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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