I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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