I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
