I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize