why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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