i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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