oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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