Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize