Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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