Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
