U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
