It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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