this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
