i don't like sucking hair
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
