I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
