shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize