my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
