he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
