just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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