The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
