made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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