Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
