Me. At least after what I've been through.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
