dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
