I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
