I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize