I accidentally had phone sex last night
it wasn't lemon gatorade
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
