swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
