Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
