thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
try to milk me bitch
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
