I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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